Thursday, June 28, 2007

Bush Refuses to Cut and Run from Tony Blair

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) - In a recent press conference, President George W. Bush announced that he will not acknowledge Gordon Brown as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Instead, Bush has vowed to stay the course and will continue to recognize Tony Blair as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

According to the White House, President Bush's decision to stay the course on Tony Blair is due, in part, to the President's inability to create a good nickname for Gordon Brown. "As the decider, the President has not been able to select an extremely obvious nickname to assign Mr. Brown. While several options were presented, President Bush has yet to hear anything that speaks to his gut," said Deputy Press Secretary Dana Perino. The official position of the White House is that without a nickname, President Bush will not negotiate with members of the Axis of People.

"Truth is, I am just stumped on this Gordon Brown nickname thing. I call Condi 'Brown Sugar', so that one is taken. I used to call FEMA chief Mike Brown 'Brownie', so I thought about using 'Brownie 2', but 'Library Guy' informed me my choice included a homonym. Obviously, The Bible preaches against homonyms, so in that situation, I had to forfeit my right to choose. Until I decide on a gem, I will not cut and run from Tony Blair," noted President Bush. After making his statement, Bush swiftly stepped onto Air Force 1 with the intent of holding a nickname retreat in Crawford, Texas.

When probed by reporters, the White House has vehemently denied that politics have influenced Bush's decision to ignore Brown. It is rumored that Vice-President Dick Cheney has access to secret documents which contradict apolitical statements previously made by the White House. As indicated by an unnamed source, the Office of the Vice President had detailed plans to generate a nickname for Gordon Brown that would drive a wedge between the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and an unnamed advocacy group that refers to African Americans with politically correct terminology.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Confessions of a Doctor

Confessions of a Doctor by Irv Levine, M.D.

Like everyone else, there are days when I am not challenged by my job. On those days, I intentionally prescribe patients the wrong medication. After they get very sick from a faulty diagnosis, I have to figure out how to solve their initial illness and treat the unfortunate side effects. In those times, I can truly take saving lives to the next level. Not only is it more exciting, it is so much more rewarding.

Dr. Levine is an egomaniacal radiologist who has as much contempt for the Hippocratic oath as he does you. He resides in Scottsdale, Arizona. He is better than you.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Supreme Court: Jesus Would Not Hit a Bong

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) - In a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court has concluded in a 6-3 vote that Jesus would not have hit a bong. Citing the teachings of Jesus, Justice Antonin Scalia wrote, "It is unreasonable to even consider that Jesus would hit a bong. He had love in his heart and did not act in violence. I had a tough time staying awake through Constitutional Law, but I can't condone violent messianic behavior. Without a doubt, I cannot allow some pothead kid from Alaska to use public property to suggest that Jesus might have acted belligerently and hit a bong. In fact, if I were face-to-face with that stoner, I'd say, 'Fuck You' in Italian."

In dissent, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg stated, "This was a nonsensical case that the Supreme Court did not need to hear. Let's get real, instead of smoking from a bong, Jesus would have probably ate pot matzot during Passover. " Outside of the court, Justice Ginsburg was seen giggling excessively and munching down potato chips with Justice Souter.

Off the record, Scalia said that Justice Clarence Thomas was a swing vote until the final deliberations. Scalia revealed, "There were heated arguments inside our chambers. A few of us thought that John Edwards and Chief Justice Roberts definitely went to the same salon, but Justice Breyer, who doesn't even have any hair, kept insisting it was impossible that they went to the same salon. Once we let Justice Thomas stroke Chief Justice Roberts' coif, we were able to quickly reach a decision." After being informed the case in deliberation was not about hair, but free speech, Scalia responded, "Oh...You were talking about that case. We said fuck you to free speech quickly, but c'mon those two haircuts look pretty similar, don't they?"

Monday, June 25, 2007

Creepy Text Messaging Guy Suddenly Single

NEW YORK (AP) - Following a barrage of socially inappropriate text messages, James Ronen has found himself suddenly single. After dating Ronen for two months, Beth Shapiro decided to promptly end her relationship after receiving four text messages in a twenty-second span last Saturday evening.

According to Ms. Shapiro, while eating dinner with her friend, she received consecutive text messages that read, "I am watching you! LOL! Jk! No, seriously I am watching you." Shapiro noted, "That guy was really creepy. At first, I was flattered because it was nice to know that dressing slutty was getting me some attention, but I got the chills when James sent a flurry of conversational text messages without any response on my end. Truthfully, I should have ended this relationship when I found out he referred to his parents as his roommates." In an effort to truly upset her family, Shapiro plans on exclusively dating Republicans.

Ronen, a twenty-five year old real estate agent living with his parents, claims he was just "goofing" with Beth Shapiro, who obviously did not get the joke. "This is a little ridiculous. I was just goofing. Clearly, she doesn't get my sense of humor, but I know that routine is gold. In fact, I started that routine with my roommates, who absolutely love it," said Ronen. Besides the 'I am watching you' routine, Ronen claims to have created other humorous text message material including: 'It was pretty funny when you didn't return my call', 'I saw you on an internet dating site immediately following our first date', and 'Do you want to take my text sex virginity?' Ronen's roommates state their son will be back on his feet shortly after receiving his new matches from Jdate.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Queens of the Stone Age Reject Arranged Marriage to Kings of Leon

(AP) - Rock and roll royalty suffered a severe blow this week when the Queens of the Stone Age publicly rejected their arranged marriage to the Kings of Leon. Although it has yet to be confirmed, rumors have circulated that the Kings of Leon were seen kissing a 'Taper Jean Girl', instead of wanting to 'Make it Wit Chu' with fiance Queens of the Stone Age.

Queen Latifah, Maid of Honor for the Queens of the Stone Age, claimed that although 'Latifah Has Had It Up 2 Here' with the media circus surrounding the planned wedding, she will treat the Queens of the Stone Age as any other 'Little Sister' would. After being asked when the Queens of the Stone Age would be dating again, Latifah replied, "No One Knows."

On behalf of the Kings of Leon, Prince released a statement to the press. In the press release, Prince noted that the Kings of Leon always believed that the Queens of the Stone Age were only in the relationship to drive their prized 'Little Red Corvette'. The statement affirmed that, due to the emotional impact of the canceled wedding, the Kings of Leon were planning to take an absence from their current tour in 'Arizona'.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Tom Tancredo Accidentally Deports Jesus

(AP) - In a colossal misunderstanding, Presidential candidate Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) has accidentally deported Jesus. According to the Tancredo for President Campaign, Congressman Tancredo was under the erroneous impression that Jesus Christ was his Mexican gardener Jesus.

At a press conference, Tancredo stated that while he was working hard to personally resolve the slight blunder with Jesus promptly, he expected Jesus to be able to forgive him for his sins. "Unfortunately, no one is perfect and I have proved that today. On the other hand, Jesus should have known better for speaking Aramaic in the United States of America. Have you heard Aramaic? It sounds a hell of a lot like Spanish! This folly is further proof that English must be the official language of the United States of America", said a confident Tancredo. After being informed by a campaign aide that he uttered the word 'hell' at his press conference, Tancredo attempted to win some points back with Jesus by hating gays.

Although Jesus was quite flustered by the recent events, he did make himself available for a recent phone interview. Over the phone, Jesus said, "Dude, I have the worst luck. No, seriously dude, I have the worst luck. I was simply trying to pass through Colorado to grab a drink with Mitt Romney and then, curse the devil, Tancredo's got a pack of dogs chasing me. Sure, I am fast, but I can't outrun a pack of dogs in sandals!" After calming down, Jesus stated that he is ecstatic NBC will be renewing The Office despite less than stellar ratings.

Currently, Republican pollsters claim they cannot tell whether or not deporting Jesus will hurt the Tancredo Campaign. It has been speculated by Republican pollsters that deporting Jesus may alienate the religious right, but big business, known to revile Jesus' anti-capitalist propaganda, has responded favorably.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Confessions of a Doctor

Confessions of a Doctor by Irv Levine, M.D.

As a real doctor, I can't tolerate Ph.D.'s who insist on being called doctor. In Medical School, I learned that doctoring is all about saving lives and touching people. Speaking of touching people, I am totally banging "Dr." Phil's wife. Now she knows that M.D. not only stands for medical doctor, but also a mean dicking.

Dr. Levine is an egomaniacal radiologist who has as much contempt for the hippocratic oath as he does you. He resides in Scottsdale, Arizona. He is better than you.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Adam "Pacman" Jones: Just Crushing on a Cop

ATLANTA (AP) - Adam "Pacman" Jones, cornerback for the Tennessee Titans, held a press conference this afternoon as the Atlanta Police Department investigated his involvement in a shooting early Monday morning. Jones, who has been arrested five times and questioned by police ten times since his arrival in the NFL, used the press conference to explain his conduct off the field.

Flanked by his entourage, Jones explained, "I would like for everyone to understand while my brain recognizes it is wrong to commit misdemeanors and felonies, my heart just can't help carrying a concealed weapon. To be honest, I have fallen in love with a Police Officer named Victoria Johnson and I just can't figure out another way to see her. A lot of times, I pick up my phone to call her, but hang up because I get kind of shy around women. Luckily, all I need to do is have one of my friends make it rain and fire a weapon in a crowded club and I will be reunited with V quickly." A member of Jones' entourage proceeded to fire a round of celebratory shots after Jones finished speaking.

Following Jones' speech and a round of gunfire, the press had the opportunity to ask Jones a couple of questions. One reporter, who noted that Jones has been arrested more times than he has intercepted a football, asked Jones if there might have been a better way to get Ms. Johnson's attention. "Well, I had the ridiculous idea to start a co-ed recreational softball team, but then my boys would have just laughed at me. I am glad that I didn't start that co-ed sports team, it would have been time consuming, impractical, and mostly just flat-out retarded," stated Jones. As the press conference concluded, Jones and his entourage set off a display of illegal fireworks and vandalized the speaker's podium to signify the conclusion of another Pacman Jones event.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Al Qaeda Graduation, A Real Blast

WASHINGTON DC (AP) - June, the month to celebrate both Dad and Grads, just got a little more celebratory when al Qaeda released a new videotape revealing a graduation ceremony for suicide bombers. The culmination ceremony, an event that commends students for thoroughly hating the United States of America, Jews, and shaving, was cut short when class clown Ali Rahim replaced Dean Abdul Siddiqui's whoopie cushion with a land mine.

Ipod Lip-Syncher Causes Turmoil in San Francisco

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - Chaos ensued throughout San Francisco this weekend when Ipod Lip-Syncher, Brandon Reilly, listened to a new playlist while runnings errands. Reilly, a music lover who can't keep himself from mouthing the words to his favorite songs, hoped to spend his day utilizing public transportation to do his laundry, pick up his younger sister from school, and buy food. Unfortunately, Reilly's plans went awry shortly after he put on his new flesh-colored earphones and selected the 'Dope Hitz' playlist on his Ipod.

A disturbance was first reported when Mr. Reilly visited Don't Call it Frisco Laundromat located in Hayes Valley. As Mr. Reilly separated his whites from his colored clothes, he began to excitedly mouth the words to The Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'. Not realizing that Reilly was wearing earphones, April Huntington called the San Francisco Police Department (SFPD) to complain that she felt violated upon making eye-contact with Reilly.

Although the SFPD could not immediately track down Reilly, they followed similar complaints to the Tule Elk Elementary School. While Reilly went to Tule Elk to pick up his younger sister from school, the song 'Smack My Bitch Up' by The Prodigy happened to be playing on his Ipod. Disturbed by the words Reilly was mouthing, School Principal Lawrence Donner refused to release Sarah Reilly to her older brother. A dispute, which happened to coincide with the next song on Reilly's playlist, occurred between Reilly and Principal Donner. Police reports only note that Reilly kept mouthing the words, "Mama said knock you out, I'm gonna knock you out."

Following his visit to Tule Elk Elementary School, Reilly proceeded to shut down all public transportation in the City of San Francisco after boarding the 22 Bus Line. Although it has yet to be confirmed, it is highly probable that transportation was halted around the same time Reilly's Ipod shuffled to Chris Rock's 'Niggas vs. Black People'.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Team Wins NBA Championship

SOMEWHERE (AP) - One of the teams that plays professional basketball won the National Basketball Association (NBA) championship at some point this month. A team of large, athletic individuals appeared elated to win the once coveted trophy. The most marketable player on the team was named Most Valuable Player (MVP) of the NBA Finals.

The Mayor of the City that is home to the champions is also hoping that his City has a hockey team that might have won the Stanley Cup last week. At a press conference to congratulate the championship team, the Mayor announced that he has never witnessed a more exciting Super Bowl.

The television network that hosted the finals proudly announced that ratings eclipsed a Laverne & Shirley marathon in Milwaukee. Neilsen ratings reported the deciding game of the NBA Finals received slightly less viewership than a video featuring a Jay-Z remix of Rosie O'Donnell squabbling with Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

My Advice For Iran


What's up Persian Princess? You lookin' good girl. That new hijab you are sporting totally matches your sexy ankles. Huh, what did you say? No, of course I am not punking you girl! Oh, I get it. I know things haven't been the same since you’ve stopped gracing the cover of every weekly news magazine, but don't get downtrodden you sexy thang. It’s a cruel world, but we both know you aren't as good-looking as Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. This doesn't mean you can't be front page news; it simply means you need a makeover to win back our hearts and short attention spans. Therefore, you should know that I am here to help and offer my advice during this period of low self-esteem.

The first thing you should do is acknowledge your competition. With LiLo passing out intoxicated in cars and Paris crying on her way back to jail, times are tough for an older lady like you. Let's face it, those bitches are in their prime and your history extends almost 6,000 years. Basically, you need to face the facts and realize that you are a cougar. Although, you aren't a spring chicken anymore, you can't be intimidated by LiLo and Paris. Quite simply, you are just going to have to outslut those other girls for attention. I am not talking about glory holes, let's keep it somewhat decent. After all, we still want to be able to fantasize about you. Therefore, I recommend that you get a tattoo. Specifically, you need a tramp stamp. In case you aren't clear, a tramp stamp is the tattoo located on a woman's lower back, just above her ass. You just need a lil' somethin' somethin' to make us want to know more and picture what you'd look like bent over. I don't know what design you should pick, but it should probably express your antipathy for the Great Satan, the United States of America. Just remember, everyone is intrigued by a bad girl.

I know that old habits die hard, but it is time for a new gimmick. Sure, the whole Holocaust was a myth conference was adorable in a cancer is funny kind of way, but you need to be smarter about these things. Haven't you learned that everyone hates the Jews? You need to think outside the box if you really want to captivate us. I think you should hate something original like grandmas. How about creating a musical where grandmas are tortured to the music of the Beatles? I think this would get you headlines for at least two weeks. Just think it over.

In a similar vein, you need to work hard to keep surprising us. Yes, blowjobs are great, but if I know exactly when you are going to put the ice cube in your mouth, it just doesn’t feel the same. In that respect, the whole overly dramatic "we are going to be a nuclear country" thing is getting a bit played out. Sure, that Gnarls Barkley song "Crazy" was really great the first 18 times you heard it, but all of a sudden the ladies didn't feel the immediate need to dance and blue ball guys at clubs. I'm just saying the nuke thing is kind of repetitive and you should probably think of a twist to compete with Lost during sweeps. I know that our cultures are different, but since you want to be noticed, you’ll need to remember that we are a short attention span nation. I don’t know how many ways I can say it, but all of us stopped caring about whether or not Mulder and Scully would be a couple after a few years. Surprise us you little minx and I am sure we won’t be able to stop talking about you again.

Listen babe, I know it is frustrating to be constantly competing with the pretty girls at school for attention, but I don’t want you to ever forget about your appeal as the crazy girl who will do anything for attention. Hang in there and feel free to take my advice, I am pretty sure you’ll be back on our minds immediately. If all of my suggestions do not seem to be working very well, I think you should have a threesome with LiLo and Paris. Obviously, you’ll need to videotape it and accidentally release it to the media. This will keep us salivating over you on every hourly news show that airs in this country. Well, at least until the next season of American Idol begins.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

R. Kelly: You Need to Noah Lot More

R. Kelly is truly a modern day renaissance man. His lengthy resume includes entertainer, pedophile, resident of the gray bar hotel, and golden shower aficionado, but with the release of his recent album Double Up he has added paleontologist to his already impressive curriculum vitae. While most paleontologists spend their entire careers hoping to discover a new type of dinosaur, it appears that R. Kelly has urinated on the dirt enough times to accidentally bump 'n' grind his way into a new species of dinosaur. What did R. Kelly name his new Jurassic discovery? According to his song, "The Zoo", R. Kelly has eloquently named his find the Sexasaurus. Obviously, Stegowhorus had already been taken.

A sample of the lyrics to this seductive hymn include:
Girl, I got you so wet
It's like a rain forest
Like Jurassic Park
Except I'm your Sexasaurus baby

Look, the first time we found out that R. Kelly liked to check out teenage girls, I am sure we could all relate. Let's be honest, isn't the only reason to sit through Pirates of the Caribbean 3 to fantasize about sorority girls fantasizing about Johnny Depp? He kind of lost me on the golden shower thing, but I spent four years in a fraternity, so I don't have very high standards for an acceptable shower. As a patient fellow, R. wasn't able to completely alienate me until he released the five-part opera Trapped in the Closet. I am sure he had a couple of pyromaniacs still cheering for him when he threatened to burn down that bitch's house in his opera, but the Sexasaurus? Well, that's not even clever. Also, it's a little too obvious that the Sexasaurus is going to be part of a complex alibi once R. Kelly gets caught having sex with underage lizards.

Sure, I believe that R. Kelly can fly, but if he doesn't keep his libido under control, the only sky that he is going to be touching is located above County Jail between 3 and 4 pm. R. Kelly's desperate need for attention can only be appropriately rewarded on a blog that desperately needs attention. As a result, R. Kelly is officially this month's candidate to Noah Lot More.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Confessions of a Doctor

Confessions of a Doctor by Irv Levine, M.D.

After saving three lives today, I called the Department of Motor Vehicles to change my license plate to "LYFESVR". It turns out that some fucking paramedic was already using this vanity plate. I spent a lot more time in school than he did, so I showed up to his office and gave him a beat down.

Dr. Levine is an egomaniacal radiologist who has as much contempt for the hippocratic oath as he does you. He resides in Scottsdale, Arizona. He is better than you.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Iran Condemns G8 for Changing its Bedtime

Tehran (AP) - In response to last week's Group of Eight (G8) summit, Iran has publicly condemned the G8 for recommending that an earlier bedtime be imposed on the Middle Eastern nation. Foreign Ministry Spokesman Mohammad-Ali Hosseini stated, "It is shocking the G8 could suggest that Iran go to bed a little earlier when Saudi Arabia and Jordan can go out as late as they want. Seriously, this is so unfair! Everyone knows that HBO is a lot more entertaining after midnight and we've really been looking forward to the next edition of Taxicab Confessions. Oh my god, this is so ridiculous! We did not sneak into Borat when we found out it received an R-rating and was made by a Zionist. What more do you want from us? We are so tired of watching Saudi Arabia get her way by ignoring her curfew. This is so lame." Iranian Official Mohammad-Ali Hosseini bit his lip to hold back tears, ran into his room and slammed the door.

When notified that Iran was unhappy about the results of the G8 summit, members of the G8 issued a prompt reply. On behalf of the nations in the G8, Vladimir Putin, President of Russia stated, "Sometimes Iran can be so ungrateful about all the privileges she has in her era. For example, when I was her age, I had to tread my way through snow just to fight the Cold War." Putin then ran his hands through his thinning hair and let out a deep sigh.

Iranian officials have declared that Iran will be playing a lot of Nintendo Wii at night, instead of reading books like the G8 suggested.

Confessions of a Doctor

Confessions of a Doctor by Irv Levine, M.D.

Whenever I am at a dinner party with a lawyer, I can't help but think, "I could totally kick this guy's ass at Jeopardy."

Dr. Levine is an egomaniacal radiologist who has as much contempt for the hippocratic oath as he does you. He resides in Scottsdale,
He is better than you.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Radiohead: Next Album to be in Morse Code

LONDON (AP) - At a press conference today, the band Radiohead announced that their upcoming seventh album will be entirely in morse code. Band leader Thom Yorke stated, "With everything going on in the world, I've been ruminating about the negative impact of the industrial revolution on modern society. Obviously, the only way to combat post-modernism is with an anti-industrial revolution philosophy. Without a doubt, morse code is the perfect medium of irony to communicate our position." When pressed for more information, multi-instrumentalist Jonny Greenwood explained that a series of dots and dashes were a natural expression of the evolution of Radiohead's pain and isolation. Greenwood claimed to utilize a variety of obscure instrumentation and computer flash drives to complement Yorke's pained dashes.

Radiohead's last album, "Hail to the Thief" was released in June 2003. It has been rumored the delay between releases is the result of Producer Nigel Godrich's recommendation to shelf the band's first take on recording a new album. That album, written exclusively in binary code, was feared to be too abstract and elitist, even for Radiohead fans. According to the website,, fans may eventually hear the now shelved binary code album as the soundtrack to an upcoming Mark Rothko exhibit at the National Gallery of Art.

The new album, tentatively titled, ". _ . ." is scheduled to feature the lead single ". . _ _ ..".

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Am I a Teen Wolf Too?

Dear Dr. Drew,

I know that most of the inquiries you receive on Loveline focus on discolored genitalia, but I am hoping you could address some body development issues. Recently, I've been watching a lot of television to help me generate unrealistic expectations about a woman's body. While I'll need to make some minor revisions of my ideal feminine figure after finding out that the cute chick from Bosom Buddies is a dude, I stumbled upon the show Growing Pains. As I was reminiscing about Leonardo DiCaprio's prepubescent days, I decided to check Kirk Cameron's website for current information about the actor who played Boner. I am slightly confused, but Kirk's website, Kirk's Kristian Krusade, just wasn't what I was expecting. While I believed the upcoming Michael J. Fox marathon would be a good respite from Kirk Cameron's website, I soon discovered that I was not the only boy with both dope basketball skills and an abundance of shoulder hair. As I spent the afternoon feeling a little less alone, I could not help but wonder: Am I a Teen Wolf Too?

As a physician who achieved fame at the same radio station that made Carson Daly a C-list celebrity, I figure you will need a list of symptoms to determine whether or not I am a teen wolf. First things first, the hair on my body never seems to stop growing although I shave it every morning. While this exercise has enabled me to develop agility that would make Andy Dick jealous, by the end of the day my body is covered in stubble. Sure, it gives me that rugged look all over, but it is a sure sign that I might be a teen wolf too. Also, my fingernails seem to be growing each day, so I think the evidence is overwhelming. Seriously, when I am going to start chasing cars and hooking up with that hot chick who won't date me without a little bit more push to my bush? I can't wait for that shit!!! I suppose I should voice my doubts about being marketed as a Teen Wolf when I am actually 27 years old. Yeah, it gives me exposure to a younger market that can really grow with me as a werewolf, but we've all seen what happens when popular artists get typecast as teenagers. I am sure the public relations team that I hired will help me figure out this doozy of a situation.

Besides the issues that I am having with my body, I am also experiencing an intense fear of silver bullets. You should know that I was at a party and someone tossed me a Coors Silver Bullet beer. Without looking at the label, I started to drink the beer, but got nauseous and spit it out because the taste resembled urine. While it shouldn't be important that I have implied I can recognize the taste of urine, it should be a red flag that I got sick from the taste of America's favorite beer. If that is not convincing enough, I guess I should tell you that I recently left an outdoor concert when Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band announced they were going to be including Kid Rock in their set that night. I don't know what came over me, but I felt a chill down my spine and quickly exited the venue. Thankfully, my mood improved as I hopped on the roof of my buddy's van to pseudo-surf to Beach Boys classics. Who doesn't feel like mock surfing when Barbara Ann comes on the radio? Only people that aren't teen wolves that's who.

I think it is pretty clear that I am a teen wolf too, but as a physician, I figured you would be able to shed some light on my condition. Also, if you get a chance, all that hair on my "body" seems to be really itchy. If you have any insight on that minor condition, I'd appreciate your expertise.

Probable Teen Wolf Too,