Ipod Lip-Syncher Causes Turmoil in San Francisco

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - Chaos ensued throughout San Francisco this weekend when Ipod Lip-Syncher, Brandon Reilly, listened to a new playlist while runnings errands. Reilly, a music lover who can't keep himself from mouthing the words to his favorite songs, hoped to spend his day utilizing public transportation to do his laundry, pick up his younger sister from school, and buy food. Unfortunately, Reilly's plans went awry shortly after he put on his new flesh-colored earphones and selected the 'Dope Hitz' playlist on his Ipod.

A disturbance was first reported when Mr. Reilly visited Don't Call it Frisco Laundromat located in Hayes Valley. As Mr. Reilly separated his whites from his colored clothes, he began to excitedly mouth the words to The Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'. Not realizing that Reilly was wearing earphones, April Huntington called the San Francisco Police Department (SFPD) to complain that she felt violated upon making eye-contact with Reilly.

Although the SFPD could not immediately track down Reilly, they followed similar complaints to the Tule Elk Elementary School. While Reilly went to Tule Elk to pick up his younger sister from school, the song 'Smack My Bitch Up' by The Prodigy happened to be playing on his Ipod. Disturbed by the words Reilly was mouthing, School Principal Lawrence Donner refused to release Sarah Reilly to her older brother. A dispute, which happened to coincide with the next song on Reilly's playlist, occurred between Reilly and Principal Donner. Police reports only note that Reilly kept mouthing the words, "Mama said knock you out, I'm gonna knock you out."

Following his visit to Tule Elk Elementary School, Reilly proceeded to shut down all public transportation in the City of San Francisco after boarding the 22 Bus Line. Although it has yet to be confirmed, it is highly probable that transportation was halted around the same time Reilly's Ipod shuffled to Chris Rock's 'Niggas vs. Black People'.