F.P. Santangelo Thanks HGH for Press Coverage

SACRAMENTO, CA (NB) - In what has continued to be a bad month for Major League Baseball, former major league outfielder F.P. Santangelo held a press conference to thank performance enhancing drugs for the first press coverage he has had in years.

"Human growth hormone (HGH), I'd like to thank you for making the American public familiar with the name F.P. Santangelo. It feels great to know that I am finally getting some press coverage. It took almost six full years, but that HGH really paid off. Yes, I was upset I couldn't bat over .200 when I was using HGH, but now I feel like my decision to try to get my share of the spotlight was worth it," said Santangelo.

Santangelo attributed the decision to use performance enhancing drugs to a course he took back in 1996. Santangelo explained, "Back in the beginning of my career, I took a seminar in the off-season titled How to Make Friends, Influence People, and Achieve Fame Without Dignity. In retrospect, my class has really achieved their goals. Our instructor Kato Kaelin promised there were avenues to press coverage without hard work. The class of '96 was like The Mouseketeers of the 1950's. Between Kevin Federline, Tila Tequila, and myself, we've really come along way."