Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Citing Extreme Hatred of Cute, Bush Vetoes Child Health Care Bill Again

WASHINGTON D.C. (NB) - Citing an extreme hatred of all things adorable, President Bush vetoed a bill that would provide children with health care. In addition to the veto, Bush vowed to veto proposals enabling puppies to be cuddled, grandmas to talk about their grandchildren, and Ryan Seacrest to get his hair frosted.

The bill would have expanded the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) by $35 billion over five years.

In a prepared statement, Bush explained his veto, "First, let me say that this CHIP program does not sit well with me. I hate chips and I've hated them since my Dad choked on a pretzel. That chip tried to kill my Daddy, which is a justifiable reason to go to war against chips, pretzels, and Iraq. "

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino had the difficult job of defending the President's veto. According to Perino, "President Bush has been unfairly portrayed by the media as not having a heart, but hopes that America recognizes the President does not hate white children."