Monday, December 3, 2007

New bin Laden Tape Reveals A Bored Terrorist

??? (NB) - In a new tape released at the end of last week, Osama bin Laden inadvertently revealed insight into his personal thoughts regarding his current living condition.

The latest bin Laden tape highlighted a new facet of his enigmatic personality. Apparently unaware that he left the tape recorder on, bin Laden is heard speaking to himself prior to the commencement of his redundant jihadist tirade. "Dude, I am so bored. Working from home sucks balls. Yeah, I get to wear anti-Semitic pajamas around the cave, but it is so hard to meet new people that hate Israel and the United States. Oh shit! This thing was already on!?" said bin Laden.

As the bin Laden speech officially began, bin Laden stated that he was solely responsible for the attacks on September 11, encouraged Europe to no longer associate with the United States, and that he is superior at hide and go seek.

According to his latest message, bin Laden said, "I fucking rule at hide and go seek! That game is child's play. In 2008, America should be prepared for an attack involving water dwelling mammals."

As the audio tape trails off, a repetitive loud noise is heard in conjunction with giggling. Although it has yet to be confirmed, the Central Intelligence Agency's analysis suggests that the noise heard at the end of the tape is bin Laden giggling while playing the game Hungry Hungry Hippos.

As of this morning, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has raised the terror threat from cyan to dull magenta. DHS has asked that Americans be on the lookout for suspicious, starving hippopotamuses.

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