Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Chosen People Left With Few Choices This Christmas


LOS ANGELES (NB) - With most of the country's retailers and restaurants closed today for Christmas, the Chosen People, also identified as members of the Jewish faith, have been left with ironically little choice on how to allocate their time.

Despite a limited selection of entertainment-related facilities, one Jewish man still found himself overwhelmed by choice. "Jesus Christ it is hard to decide what to do today. On one hand, the Empress Pavilion has the best Peking duck around, but you cannot deny the excellence of the Kung Pao chicken at Yang Chow. With that said, the Kung Pao is so spicy and everyone knows that spicy doesn't sit so well with my stomach. Jesus...I just can't decide," said Abe Glickstein.

Other Jews spent the day attempting to relieve their ennui through entertainment on the internet. Said Richard Silver, "I figured there might be some gorgeous girls with nothing to do on Jdate today, so I've been online all day. Sure, I'm still alone, but it's not like I could really take a girl anywhere fun tonight anyway."

While some members of the Jewish community have referred to Christmas as the only day worse than Yom Kippur, many Jewish people have been relieved that a Jewish movie is available for their entertainment this holiday season.

An elated Rachel Weinberg elaborated, "It is about time a movie came out with a Jewish theme during this time of year. I was ecstatic to know that Jewish values are being celebrated in the film Atonement. Seriously, nothing is more Jewish than atonement."

1 comment:

Caccamo said...

This is so hilarious!! The Jdate reference is so right on. My Jewish friends tell me that Christmas Eve is a big night at Ruby Skye. It’s the night to scout out the Jewish girls and boys (including bridge and tunnel) and look to score. You may consider looking into that for next year. Ha ha!