Monday, December 10, 2007

Bush Adds Subprime Mortgages to Axis of Evil

WASHINGTON D.C. (NB) - Following a turbulent week in regards to foreign policy, President Bush has temporarily removed Iran from the Axis of Evil. For the time being, Bush announced subprime mortgages would be joining the Axis of Evil on a trial basis.

Based on documentation detailing Iran's decision to halt production of nuclear weapons in 2003, President Bush reluctantly moved his Iranian flag computer icon next to his computer's recycling bin icon.

Standing next to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Bush said, "Although Iran is definitely still dangerous, it has come to my attention that subprime mortgages have been with us, but against us, but not with us in a good way. As the world knows, either you are with us or against us, but you can't be with us in a bad way, which means that if you are with us, but not in a good way, you can't fool us. So you see, fool me once, but if you fool me, you can't get fooled again." As Bush completed his sentence, Secretary Paulson drank a large glass of water to wash down the tylenol he took during Bush's speech.

Bush noted subprime mortgages have earned a place in the Axis of Evil because they have made the bold decision to fight Americans on our own soil. In an attempt to fight subprime mortgages, Bush alluded to his plan to freeze interest rates for a five-year period. Despite the assessment that the freeze will only help 240,000 of the two million people hurt by subprime mortgages, the Bush Administration is confident their plan will be a success. As Press Secretary Dana Perino noted, "Hey, you can't strike out all the time, right? Eventually, one has to get through for a hit."

In response to the new face of the Axis of Evil, Republican presidential candidates reacted quickly to the news. While Tom Tancredo pointed out that subprime mortgages are Mexican as evidenced by the prefix 'sub' meaning below or beneath something great like the United States, Mitt Romney regrettably confirmed that his uncle is married to three subprime mortgages, but insisted his Mormon faith would not influence his policy if elected President of the United States.


LBC said...

i like today's blog - i laughed out loud at the last paragraph

Lindsey said...

lbc seems like a great girl, wise too. It's too bad her comment seems so forced, and conversational.

gravitational waves said...

Didn't he also put Twinkies and those icky jelly/coconut filled chocolates in the box of caramel chocolates on the axis of evil as well?