New Clinton Slogan: Because John Edwards is Too Pretty

NEW YORK (NB) - As Hillary Clinton's polling numbers continue to slip in both Iowa and New Hampshire, the Clinton campaign has launched an aggressive blitz in an attempt to push momentum forward. In addition to taking laughing lessons from James Lipton, Clinton unveiled a new campaign slogan this week. The new slogan, Hillary: Because John Edwards is Too Pretty, is a bid to portray Clinton as the candidate with the biggest balls.

Wearing an asbestos-colored pant suit, Clinton unveiled her new slogan in the company of Janet Reno and Rosie O'Donnell. "As the candidate toughest on important American issues such as defense, I believe my femininity must no longer be a focus of this campaign. Naturally, the media wants to address my gender the same way they point out that Senator Obama is too black, but somehow not black enough. Therefore, in an effort to minimize my femininity, I'd like to use my new slogan to draw attention to John Edwards' femininity. From this day forward, my new slogan is officially, Hillary: Because John Edwards is Too Pretty," said Clinton.

Clinton proceeded to discuss her attributes as a candidate by stating she would be tough on Iran, could beat you in an eating contest, and, if necessary, could pee standing up.

In response to Clinton's new strategy, her rivals, Barack Obama and John Edwards, both declined to offer a response through their campaign spokespeople. The Obama campaign reiterated that Senator Obama would only attack Senator Clinton on Saturday Night Live. Meanwhile, the Edwards campaign noted Senator Edwards could not issue a comment because he was on vacation in the other America that he so frequently discusses in his stump speech.