Monday, July 23, 2007

eHarmony To Sponsor GOP Presidential Debate

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) – Prior to Monday evening's Democratic presidential candidates' debate, which featured the presidential hopefuls responding to questions submitted via YouTube, the Republican Party announced its next debate would be sponsored by eHarmony.

Although details of the upcoming eHarmony Republican debate have not been finalized, some facts about the event have been revealed. Prior to the debate, all Republican presidential candidates will be required to fill out a comprehensive 436 part questionnaire. The questionnaire will be used to provide voters with a compatability candidate. eHarmony's compatability index will assess presidential candidates on variables including: physical appearance, willingness to shotgun a beer with a voter, ability to distance themselves from President Bush, and whether or not their skin pigmentation significantly differs from Barack Obama's. Public policy is not expected to be a factor in the eHarmony compatability index.

The announcement revealed by GOP Party Chairman, Mel Martinez, is part of an effort to bolster support for the Republican Party with technologically savvy voters. Martinez explained, “eHarmony is a perfect fit with the Republican party and we look forward to their sponsorship during our next debate. As a website that discriminates against homosexuals, we know eHarmony will support the family values endorsed by our candidates. Specifically, our non-sexual partnership with eHarmony will highlight Sam Brownback’s homophobia, Tom Tancredo’s xenophobia, and wedge issue candidate, Albino McPaley’s heliophobia...Man, that guy is terrified of the sun.”


Lisa said...

Oh my god, I would love to shotgun a beer with a candidate! If that activity could truly commence than perhaps homophobic inclinations would be forgotten?!!

Dr. Irv Levine said...

Good idea Lisa. Perhaps you need me to examine you for a 'checkup'. I know that when I get drunk, I completely forget that I am gay.