??? (AP) – In a video distributed by as-Sahab productions, al Qaeda has reunited for a comeback tour. This announcement validates statements made by Secretary of Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff. Recently, Chertoff claimed he had a gut feeling that al Qaeda's presence would be felt in the United States late this summer.
Al Qaeda's reunion tour is one of many comebacks recently staged by former media sensations. Last month, the Spice Girls announced their plans to reunite and the Police are currently touring the world. When asked if al Qaeda is trying to capitalize on the success of recent comeback tours, Osama bin Laden responded, "The Police? No, we don't even like them. They are always on our tail." Between puffs of hookah, Ayman al-Zawahiri burst into a fit of laughter, "Just kidding! It is a music joke, get it? C'mon, who doesn't love Sting?" said al-Zawahiri.
Al Qaeda promised the upcoming tour would be more than rehashed old material. "We've got some new hits that will just kill" said bin Laden. Al-Zawahiri chimed in, "Yeah, our new stuff is da bomb." Public Relations firm Rosenthal & Goldstein have worked extensively to create a new image for al-Qaeda. According to bin Laden, "With the help of Rosenthal & Goldstein, you'll definitely be seeing a brand new al Qaeda. We weren't aware, but our shtick was getting a bit old in the United States. It turns out that our spiel about 70 virgins in heaven is a bit too similar to the 40 acres and a mule thing." Al-Zawahiri interrupted, "Things are a little more pc now. Back in 2001, we could wish death on infidels, but we've softened our message to general intolerance towards everyone." A pensive al-Zawahiri paused before admitting, "We don't want to end up like the guy who played Kramer on Seinfeld."
1 comment:
hahahaha...yeah seriously, who doesn't love Sting?
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