Thursday, September 27, 2007

Alberto Gonzales Still Showing Up to Work


WASHINGTON D.C. (NB) - Events in Washington D.C. have been a little too familiar recently. As many discuss the situation in Iraq and the upcoming 2008 Presidential Election, one face continues to appear throughout Washington. Despite no longer holding a government position, former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales continues to show up to the Department of Justice everyday for work.

At approximately 7:30 AM, Alberto Gonzales appears daily at the Department of Justice wearing a suit and carrying a Dora the Explorer lunchbox. Baffled by the continuity of the situation, the White House has yet to develop an exit strategy from this uncomfortable situation.

"To tell you the truth, we just haven't figured this one out yet. It's quite bizarre. Every afternoon, we explain to Mr. Gonzales that he no longer works here, but the following morning he always shows up for work. It's almost like he doesn't remember what happened the day before," said White House Press Secretary Dana Perino.

According to an unidentified source, Gonzales spends the majority of his days walking through the halls of the Department of Justice introducing himself to staff members, filling out yesterday's crossword puzzle, and watching the movie The Sixth Sense.

As news spreads throughout Washington about Gonzales' presence in the Department of Justice, the Democrats are rumored to be giving serious thought to squandering their opportunity to do anything during a lame duck Presidency as a form of protest.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi held a press conference to address Gonzales' daily appearances at the Department of Justice. "Mr. Gonzales is manipulating the American people and it must stop. Last night, I watched Seinfeld and happened to come across the episode where George, despite being fired from his job, shows up to work everyday as if nothing happened," stated Pelosi.

An impassioned Pelosi continued, "The Democrats are not going to stand here and watch Alberto Gonzales neglect the wishes of the American electorate. In fact, we will no longer stand and watch any of these outrageous situations occur," said Pelosi. After pausing, Pelosi kept to her word and sat down on a massage chair from the Sharper Image.

4 comments:

Lindsey said...

wait just a second, Bruce Willis is dead the whole time? Geez. Thanks, Patriot Act.

Matt said...

Beware of eating oatmeal while reading Noah Lot More, I laughed so hard at this post I almost spit up my food.

Dan said...

Writing about a guy with a bad memory watching the movie the The Sixth Sense over and over again is hilarious!

Jerry said...

Dora would be ashamed to be seen with Alberto.