Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Real Estate Slumps, Sandcastles Practically Worthless

NEW YORK (NB) - The latest report from the National Association of Realtors brought discouraging news this week to many invested in real estate. An alarming report revealed that despite ocean views and beachfront property, sandcastles are practically worthless.

"It looks like we've made a huge mistake by forecasting a limitless real estate boom. As it turns out, sand is not a sturdy foundation for real estate. While the real estate slump has been a surprise, it was truly impossible to predict the impact of global warming on the value of sandcastles. Seriously, who could have guessed higher sea levels would wipe out so many great houses made out of sand?" said economist Alex Lavender.

As a result of disruptions in the mortgage market, many real estate owners are stuck with ballooning mortgages they cannot pay off. One sandcastle owner appeared to be so anxiety-stricken over her upcoming mortgage payment that she burst into a fit of tears.

"How am I supposed to afford paying Vanessa four granola bars and a fruit roll-up a day at lunch just to keep my sandcastle? This isn't fair! I want my Mommy," cried first grader Angela Landau.

As many elementary school children sulk over their worthless sandcastles, some fear the real estate market will have a negative impact on the entire economy.

According to Brian O'Brien, Principal of Woodlawn Elementary School, policies may be implemented to lessen the impact of the housing slump. "Although it is shocking to believe a sandcastle shaped like a turtle might be worthless someday, we can't have these children eating crayons as they pay off their mortgages with their entire lunch. It is more than likely we will establish some type of corrective policy so our entire school budget is not impacted by the housing slump," stated O'Brien.

Despite the negative news regarding the real estate market, some associated with the real estate business attempted to put a positive spin on the recent news.

One real estate agent, Richard Schulden, pointed out that the recent report affirms the real estate market is officially a buyer's market. Said Schulden, "I have no doubt the market will correct itself and rebound. Right now, you can get a great deal on a plot of sand that will eventually be worth a fortune."

A confident Schulden cleaned his glasses before stating, "Until the market rebounds, I can offer you the opportunity to buy an orca-shaped sandcastle in Malibu at the price you would have paid last year to get a sandcastle shaped like a porpoise."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Strange....My real estate agent Richard Schulman just called me about a great deal on a new vacancy at the La Brea Tar Pits.