Thursday, November 1, 2007

Giuliani Mistakenly Attacks Trick-or-Treaters

(NB) - In what is likely to create a public relations nightmare for the Giuliani for President campaign, Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani attacked a group of children dressed as aliens on Halloween.

Following his October 14 promise to prepare the United States to fight an alien invasion (, Giuliani had the opportunity to keep his word when he passed a group of five elementary school children in Halloween costumes walking from house to house collecting candy. Assuming it was an alien invasion and aliens would obviously thrive off of Reese's Pieces, Giuliani clotheslined three kids while drop-kicking two other children.

Immediately after Giuliani took down the group of children, he boisterously pumped his fist and asked his aide to check the day's date. As the aide informed Giuliani of the October 31 date, Giuliani's face lit up with an epiphany.

"I am not the least bit surprised that we were attacked on the 31 after being attacked on the 11 of September. Clearly, the terrorists hate prime numbers like they hate our freedom. Prime numbers, like American freedom, are indivisible by outside forces or numbers such as 1 or the prime number itself," declared a triumphant Giuliani.

Following Giuliani's prime number monologue, the aide informed Giuliani that October 31 is Halloween and the small alien creatures were actually a group of local children.

The Giuliani campaign states that in the fast paced environment of campaigning, Giuliani momentarily forgot that yesterday was Halloween. At the same time, they note that Giuliani demonstrated that he is the only candidate equipped to protect the United States on prime number dates.

According to the Giuliani campaign, Rudy Giuliani is expected to issue an apology sometime later today. Based on information from unnamed sources, it is believed Giuliani will ask for forgiveness and emphasize that he simply lost track of the date. As one unnamed campaign staffer said, "If Mayor Giuliani had known it was Halloween, he would have absolutely been dressed in drag."

As the kids were rushed off to the hospital for treatment, one trick-or-treater explained that he now completely understands why Giuliani's daughter supports Barack Obama for President.


Lisa said...

that's my former mayor...drag dressing and obama ready.

Justin said...

I was wondering why Giuliani beat me up on the 7th of every month.

Marilyn said...

Love this! Political satire is really your strength!