Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Long Overdue, Jay-Z Gets His 100th Problem

NEW YORK (NB) - After years of having ninety-nine problems, rapper Jay-Z acknowledged in a press conference today that he recently acquired a new problem. With the admission of his new problem, Jay-Z's problems now total one hundred.

Already plagued by the rap patrol on the gat patrol and foes that wanna make sure his casket's closed, the nature of Jay-Z's latest problem left many attending the press conference quite surprised.

"I am a little bit saddened to announce that I now have one hundred problems. While I still have rap mags try to use my black ass, I am now irked by something much greater," said Jay-Z.

As he took a deep sigh, he continued, "Last night, I tried to cook salmon on the George Foreman grill and I can't get the smell of fish out of my house. Not only is the smell driving me crazy, but now I can't get anyone to come over my house and party with Jigga. Damn, this shit is vexing me! Even worse, I am not having any luck cleaning the George Foreman grill. It's like it only cooked one side of what I put on the grill and then I can't even scrape the grilled fish off. This is just so much worse than back in '94 when in my rearview mirror was the motherfucking law. "

As the event concluded, Jay-Z was escorted out of the event by former rapper turned chauffeur Skee-Lo who was overheard mumbling something regarding a wish to be a little bit taller, a baller, and the guy not responsible for eliminating the fish smell from Jay-Z's house.

Despite his one hundredth problem not being a bitch, Jay-Z left the press conference moderately distressed.

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