Thursday, August 16, 2007

Bill Richardson: A New Mexican Willing To Do the Jobs Americans Won’t Do


ALBUQUERQE, NM (AP) - In an attempt to energize his bid for President, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson unveiled a new campaign slogan. The slogan, 'Bill Richardson: A New Mexican Willing To Do the Jobs Americans Won't Do' unintentionally catalyzed discussion about illegal immigration.

Standing outside of an Albuquerque-based Home Depot, Richardson let the American people know he is actively looking for work. “I am asking the people of the United States to employ me to be their next President. No one in their right mind wants to be President of the United States, which is why I have chosen Bill Richardson: A New Mexican Willing To Do the Jobs Americans Won’t Do as my new campaign slogan. In fact, not only do I have all of my candidacy papers right here, but I am willing to do this job for half the cost of the other candidates,” said Governor Richardson.

Richardson addressed voters by pointing out the differences between him and the other candidates. A candid Richardson mentioned, “Is everyone fucking crazy? A Senator hasn’t been elected President since Kennedy. It is ridiculous that the three leading Democratic candidates are all Senators while the leading Republican candidates have experience in the Executive branch of government. Do you really want the Republicans to win the Presidency again?!?”

Richardson pleaded, “Look, I understand that minority candidates are cool right now, but why has everyone forgotten that I am half Mexican? It might be my Anglo-Saxon name, but I swear that I am a minority too! It’s like I need to bang a dude to get some attention over here.”

The announcement from the Richardson campaign sparked a strong response from Republican presidential candidates. Rudy Giuliani, who pledged to end all illegal immigration as President, was the first Republican to respond to the Richardson campaign.

“If we elect a New Mexican to be President, al Qaeda will exploit our porous borders. This threat solidifies my commitment to put an end to illegal immigration. If elected, I promise to end all illegal immigration by Septembering the 11th,” stated a determined Giuliani.

Also quick to respond to the Richardson campaign was Republican Congressman Tom Tancredo. Tancredo, who not only accidentally deported Jesus, but recently declared he’d bomb Islamic holy sites as a method of retaliating against a terrorist attack, had a fierce reaction to the Richardson campaign slogan.

“We cannot, under any circumstances, allow Bill Richardson to be President of the United States of America. His mother is Mexican and he is from New Mexico…Holy Shit! That’s like one and a half Mexicans in one person,” said Tancredo.

Confusing Spanish and Pig Latin, Tancredo concluded, “Bill Ichardson-ray for Resident-pay sounds like a mucho problemo for the American economyway.”

Surprising many, Senator John McCain did not comment on the Richardson statement. Although unconfirmed, it has been reported that McCain, who finished next to last in this week’s Iowa straw poll, was seen drunk and depressed sitting behind the wheel of his campaign bus ‘The Straight Talk Express’. Reportedly, McCain had pulled alongside the road to mix a few drinks outside of the campaign bus, which now features recent graffiti declaring the bus ‘The Fellate Cock Express’.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Putting a half Mexican governor in front of Home Depot to announce that he is looking for work is pure genius.

Anonymous said...

Your next post needs to be about the Republican Party's imminent fear of Hurricane Dean. [screams]

Hipple, Rev. Paul T. said...

Is this some sort of despicable joke?

I don't care if he's an old or a new Mexican, he's got no business taking any American Jobs.

Has anybody ever heard of this guy before?

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