Ron Paul Event Leaves Thousands of College Students Confused

By Bryan Bissell & Noah Berkowitz

BERKELEY, CA (NB) - This week, thousands of college students from the University of California at Berkeley left a Ron Paul for President event in complete dismay. Expecting to attend a concert by reggae artist Sean Paul, many UC Berkeley students did not realize their error until the Ron Paul field staff disassembled the Republican presidential candidate's speaking platform.

Apparently, students at Berkeley were unable to recognize Ron Paul for various reasons. Scott Weisberg, a sixth-year student, discussed his confusion. "First, that old guy who spoke looks a whole lot like Chancellor Birgeneau. I just assumed the Chancellor was Sean Paul's opening act. Also, I was really high," said Weisberg. Weisberg nonchalantly scratched his head as he walked away from the crowd barefoot.

Other students caught on to their folly quickly. "Man, I really wanted to hear the song Gimme the Light, but the old guy kept talking about the gold standard. Sure, I see a loose connection about how gold, if held at the right angle, might shine in a way where you can give someone the light, but once the country music started, I knew we were being punk'd," said sophomore Gina Lee.

While Lee had hoped to see a concert by Sean Paul, she said the afternoon was not a total loss. Lee stated, "If you follow my drift, the whole crowd was more than prepared for the song We Be Burnin. Yeah, I had to listen to the old guy explain why the United States should withdraw from NAFTA, but whatever, I still got really high."

As word spread about the thousands of students who mistakenly gathered to hear Ron Paul speak, other candidates met with their campaigns to develop a plan on how to mislead thousands of people into attending their events. While the Giuliani campaign is rumored to be discussing a numerical scheme to mislead potential voters, only the Mike Huckabee campaign released an official plan to misinform registered voters. According to the Huckabee for President campaign, Huckabee has cut and paste his face onto the cover of every DVD copy of the movie I Heart Huckabees.

Bryan Bissell is the author of Three Q Blog, a site detailing great tales of excitement and woe from the front yards, cobbled streets, and smoky VFW halls of the 2008 New Hampshire Primary. To get the inside scoop on the 2008 Presidential Election, go to www.threeqblog.com