Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Mets Choke, Fantasy Baseball Manager Inconsolable

SAN FRANCISCO (NB) - Following the collapse of the New York Mets, who failed to make the playoffs with a seven game lead in the final weeks of the baseball season, fantasy baseball manager Noah Roth has not left his house in 61 hours.

Through a conversation on Google Talk, Roth addressed his diminishing mental health. "I have devoted all of my free time to fantasy baseball since I started participating in ESPN mock drafts back in March. I had first place throughout the entire season, but the fucking Mets fucked me on the last fucking day of the season. How could I have guessed that future Hall of Famer Tom Glavine would get pulled in the first inning of a crucial game?" typed Roth.

Noah Roth continued, "Am I supposed to drop Jose Reyes just because he is batting under .200 in September? It's not like the waiver wire had any other all-star shortshops available in my league. I used to stay up late at night to make the first acquisitions, but I never could have foreseen players that I have no personal relationship with could let me down like this. Do you know how many online dates I could have been getting if I had known I wasn't going to take first place?" The conversation took a turn for the worst when Roth, unable to express his displeasure in words, typed in a string of endless frowny faced emoticons.

According to Roth's spokeswoman, his mother, Roth swears to get even next year by not allowing Tom Glavine to play for his fantasy team.


Anonymous said...

Noah Roth? You're not even trying.

Thats worse than Richard Schuldon

Fantasy Winner said...