Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Mets Choke, Fantasy Baseball Manager Inconsolable


SAN FRANCISCO (NB) - Following the collapse of the New York Mets, who failed to make the playoffs with a seven game lead in the final weeks of the baseball season, fantasy baseball manager Noah Roth has not left his house in 61 hours.

Through a conversation on Google Talk, Roth addressed his diminishing mental health. "I have devoted all of my free time to fantasy baseball since I started participating in ESPN mock drafts back in March. I had first place throughout the entire season, but the fucking Mets fucked me on the last fucking day of the season. How could I have guessed that future Hall of Famer Tom Glavine would get pulled in the first inning of a crucial game?" typed Roth.

Noah Roth continued, "Am I supposed to drop Jose Reyes just because he is batting under .200 in September? It's not like the waiver wire had any other all-star shortshops available in my league. I used to stay up late at night to make the first acquisitions, but I never could have foreseen players that I have no personal relationship with could let me down like this. Do you know how many online dates I could have been getting if I had known I wasn't going to take first place?" The conversation took a turn for the worst when Roth, unable to express his displeasure in words, typed in a string of endless frowny faced emoticons.

According to Roth's spokeswoman, his mother, Roth swears to get even next year by not allowing Tom Glavine to play for his fantasy team.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Noah Roth? You're not even trying.

Thats worse than Richard Schuldon

Fantasy Winner said...

GO BREWERS!