Rage Against the Machine To Hold Peace Talks with the Machine

LOS ANGELES (NB) - In an effort to adhere to a positive message for the new year, the members of Rage Against the Machine have agreed upon preliminary peace talks with the Machine. The talks will mark the first time that members of both parties will sit down in a face-to-face effort to reconcile their differences.

Members of Rage Against the Machine identified a course in anger management as the catalyst to their new perspective on the Machine. "Our work with an experienced counselor has helped us understand that all the killing in the name of the Machine was just an attempt for the Machine to get air time on Guerrilla Radio. Although we cannot endorse this pathetic and inappropriate ploy for attention, we believe this is the best opportunity to discuss peace since the Machine has promised it will no longer be rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun," said guitarist Tom Morello.

While the source of the initial conflict is unclear, it is believed that people have been raging against the machine since 1991 when the Machine spent six days playing Mariah Carey on radio stations throughout the United States. Known as The Battle of Los Angeles to some and the Six-Day War to many, the Machine capitulated after members of Rage Against the Machine barraged the Machine with a flood of bombtracks.

The Machine admitted some hesitancy about meeting with the members of Rage Against the Machine. "Mariah Carey was huge in 1991 and everyone knows it. I could have played something else, but I was taunted by members of Rage Against the Machine who went around defying me by consistently saying, 'Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!' I think most people would hold their ground in the face of such hostility," stated the Machine.

The United States is playing an active role in pursuing peace between Rage Against the Machine and the Machine. Perhaps in an effort to define his legacy, President Bush is pushing peace between both parties and has agreed to personally act as a conduit of change. While it is unknown whether or not Bush will succeed, many point out President Clinton also attempted to broker a peace deal between the Machine and members of Rage Against the Machine late in his second term as President. In retrospect, it appears Clinton did not give himself enough time to achieve peace between the long-time enemies. Only time will tell whether or not Bush's determination for war will place him in a position to achieve peace between contentious parties.

Lead singer Zach de la Rocha would not guarantee any long-term peace deals with the Machine, but announced that following anger management counseling, the band has made a proactive step towards peace by changing their name to Slightly Irked at the Machine.