Trent Lott Retires After Running Out of Black Jokes

WASHINGTON D.C. (NB) - After thirty-five years in Congress, Mississippi Senator Trent Lott has announced he would be resigning at the end of this year. Citing his reason for retirement, Senator Lott claimed to have run out of jokes about African-Americans.

"Sometimes the well just runs dry. I've really made huge steps in the way American policy addresses defense and fiscal responsibility, but I haven't come up with an original joke about black people in three years. Sure, I've got some new ones about gays and Jews, but that's not my shtick. Therefore, I think I should end on a racism high note. It's kind of like how you wouldn't want to see Jon Stewart do physical comedy," said Lott.

In related news, Congressman Tom Tancredo will continue his run for President because he just heard this great one about why Mexicans can't be firemen.

Ahmadinejad Kicks Off Comedy Tour

NEW YORK (NB) - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad kicked off the fall leg of his 2007 comedy tour this week in New York. The tour known as Mahmoud: Rude Dude of Nukes is expected to attract significant attention at every tour destination.

Ahmadinejad opened with a show at Columbia University in New York. Predictably, he relied on the familiar material that earned him his reputation as a cross between Dane Cook and Adolf Hitler. The beginning of his set was centered around his well known routine 'Israel is Making me Miserable'. In his famous routine, Ahmadinejad neurotically kvetches about how a state so small could make him so meshuggenah. As the night went on, Ahmadinejad worked his way through other classics such as 'Jew's on First' and 'Black People vs. Niggas vs. Jewish People'.

Like many comics, Ahmadinejad used the performance to test new material on the crowd. His new material was met with a mix of laughter and boos from the Columbia audience. In particular, one new segment drew a significant crowd reaction. After performing a Jon Stewart like impersonation of President Bush, Ahmadinejad stated, "What is the difference between the Holocaust, an Iranian homosexual, and Haley's Comet?...Only Haley's Comet happened in the last 100 years!" Following a mixed reaction from the crowd, Ahmadinejad adapted George Carlin's 'The Seven Words You Can't Say on TV' for the Columbia audience. Ahmadinejad's version, 'The 17,000 Words You Can't Say in Iran' brought the crowd into a fit of laughter as he concluded his set.

Recognizing Ahmadinejad's ability to draw a crowd, Lions Gate Films has cast Ahmadinejad in the sequel to their new movie Good Luck Chuck. Ahmadinejad will replace Dane Cook as the lead in the upcoming film. Good Mood Mahmoud is expected to be released in the fall of 2009.