Kobayashi Retires, Considers a Career in Gay Porn

JAPAN (AP) - Following a stunning loss in Nathan's Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest, Takeru Kobayashi has retired from the world of professional eating. With a limited range of transferable skills, Kobayashi plans on exploring career opportunities in homosexual pornography.

Speaking through an interpreter, Kobayashi said, "As the International Federation of Competitive Eating' s number one ranked eater for six years, it is time for me to move on. My current skill set has provided me with an expertise in deep throating phallic objects and swallowing. After taking a career placement test and a few meetings with a career counselor, I believe I could excel in homosexual pornography. While I have not committed to this career, I plan on shadowing a fluffer for the day to develop a better knowledge of the ins and outs of this field." Kobayashi then forced a smile through his solemn countenance and walked away.

After learning about Kobayashi's decision to explore gay pornography, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, the current champion of Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, has vowed to spend more time focused on academics.