We Googled It: Yahoo CEO Denies Questionable Relations With China

SAN FRANCISCO (NB) - As Congress investigates whether or not Yahoo has inappropriately turned over user information to the Chinese government, Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang articulated a convincing argument to deny Yahoo's culpability in the case.

The investigation, which has hurt Yahoo stock, exposes Yahoo of supporting Chinese policies that quell free speech in the attempt to establish a relationship with the emerging superpower. The attention has forced Yang to defend Yahoo's practices.

"Of course Yahoo didn't turn over user information that enabled the Chinese government to jail Chinese journalists that happened to be pro-democracy advocates. Yes, I turned over some information to China, but I found that information on Google," said Yang.

A defensive Yang continued, "Let's be honest, when you need information, you go to Google and not Yahoo. I know Yahoo is not responsible for abusing the privacy of our users because absolutely no one uses Yahoo as a search engine anymore. In fact, to find the information that we might have given to China, I'd have to turn on my Apple IIc computer to look for the files. Yahoo's relevance has diminished so much with time that Color Me Badd was the musical guest at our annual user's conference this past year."

Yang admitted that the only time he has used Yahoo this past year was to play fantasy football, but noted that his team, The Carolina Communists, has been significantly hurt by injuries.

China Celebrates Labor Day

BEIJING (NB) - Citizens of the People's Republic of China are celebrating Labor Day today throughout their country. To mark Labor Day celebrations in China, millions of Chinese people will be working.

Wu Yi, Vice Premier of China, spoke about the Chinese celebration of Labor Day during a public address to the nation. "Basically, every single day in China is Labor Day...Actually, every single day is Labor Day in China. We've been very pleased to find out the American people love Labor Day as much as the Chinese. After discovering our mutual admiration for Labor Day, we have asked Kathie Lee Gifford, the American celebrity, to serve as a consultant on labor relations," stated Yi.

Besides revealing the Chinese government's new relationship with Kathie Lee Gifford, Yi briefly mentioned that today's Labor Day should be much more exciting than yesterday's Labor Day, but not as exciting as tomorrow's planned Labor Day.

The public statement from Vice Premier Yi was not held without controversy. Anti-war activist, Cindy Sheehan, interrupted Yi's speech with an organized protest. Following the recent recall of Chinese toys, which were revealed to contain dangerous amounts of lead, Sheehan vowed to end her retirement from her career as a protester to highlight another global atrocity.

Sheehan's recent campaign against the lack of quality assurance associated with products exported by the Chinese government recruited many activists on college campuses. Unfortunately, many college students were attracted to the misleading campaign slogan, 'Get the Lead Out'. Unaware that many local radio stations celebrate the rock band, Led Zeppelin with a segment titled 'Get the Led Out', Sheehan was overwhelmed by the support she received on college campuses. Upon taking a group of 'Get the Lead Out' supporters to China, Sheehan realized her error when fellow activists interrupted Vice Premier Yi with repeated requests for the song ‘Stairway to Heaven’.