NEW YORK (NB) - In response to yet another incident highlighting a Republican elected official illegally soliciting homosexual sex, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) has decided to publicly denounce Republican marriage.
Following Idaho Senator Larry Craig's most recent announcement in which he declared he will not resign from the Senate seat he resigned the day before, GLAAD President Neil Giuliano held a press conference evaluating how Republican behavior impacts family values.
"The Larry Craig incident is one of many that demonstrates our family values are in jeopardy if we allow Republicans to marry. If I want to spend the evening at a Lance Bass concert with my lover Ricardo, I should not have to wonder if Congressman Mark Foley will be instant messaging our teenage son Frederico while my lover and I engage in monogamous anal sex. If I go to the park to walk my homosexual dog Juan during my San Francisco vacation, will I be able to go to the bathroom without having State Representative Bob Allen attempt to give me a blow job for three times the market rate?" asked Giuliano.
Senator Craig did not have a comment in response to GLAAD's denunciation of Republican marriage, but was reportedly off to investigate a glory hole located in an Idaho bathroom.
GLAAD President Giuliano concluded his conference with the following statement, "Seriously, we are begging the Republicans to stop being so gay. Their behavior is truly an embarrassment to homosexuals around the world who engage in committed, monogamous relationships. If the Republicans marry, the values held by our Founding Fathers could be in danger."
Giuliano paused before saying, "Oh God! What if the Republicans want to adopt?"
After anxiously wiping the sweat from his brow, Giuliano exited the building.
